“That depression from that relationship rewinded life and brought back a whole bunch of other stuff that I’d never dealt with.” Mary J. “It was just one big giant hole of darkness,” says Blige, adding that the “snowball effect” of it all triggered some childhood trauma, including being molested as a 5-year-old girl. That relationship also sent her into a deep depression. “I will never understand why we stay so long.” “It’s not simple or black and white to just walk out the door when you’re just beyond insecure because you think that this is the best that you can get,” says Blige. Still, she struggled with leaving that abusive relationship. Blige struggled with newfound fame after her ’90s breakthrough. So when it all started to happen to me, all I could think about was my mom.” Mary J. “My mom had to suffer a lot of physical abuse as well so, as a little girl, I saw her, this little woman, fighting. “I’ve had to physically fight for my life a lot,” she says. “So it became very dark, the whole thing, and abusive.”įor Blige, it was continuing a cycle of abuse. “I loved him, but neither one of us could handle the success of our lives,” she says. Her turbulent romance with Hailey - whose Jodeci was one of the hottest groups in R&B at the time - only added to her personal drama. Blige celebrated the 25th anniversary of “My Life” at the 2019 Essence Festival. I couldn’t even enjoy my success.” Mary J. “So whatever it takes for me to be comfortable - if I need to drink some more, if I need to do some more coke, whatever I need to do to loosen up and try to take this in.”ĭespite hits such as “You Remind Me,” “Real Love” and “Reminisce,” Blige says, “I couldn’t even enjoy what was going on. “So I’m scared to death of myself,” she says. In fact, her newfound fame was a kind of monster. Blige poured her real-life pain into her classic “My Life.” Redferns Substance abuse, an abusive relationship with former Jodeci crooner K-Ci Hailey and depression formed a toxic cocktail that threatened to dethrone - and destroy - the Queen of Hip-Hop Soul after her groundbreaking debut, 1992’s “What’s the 411?”Īfter first turning to substance abuse as a teenager enduring a tough upbringing in the Yonkers projects - “We would go to the pier, and we would drink our pain away” - Blige used drugs and alcohol to cope with her anxiety after suddenly going from the streets to stardom. Most of the times I was just depressed and didn’t want to live because I didn’t love myself.” This was a decision I had to make to either live or die. Blige’s My Life,” which premieres Friday on Amazon Prime. “I was singing for my life literally,” says the 50-year-old singer in the new documentary “Mary J. Blige, making her 1994 masterpiece “My Life” was about much more than selling records - it was about saving her life. Rap gods unite in epic Super Bowl 2022 Halftime show trailer, ‘The Call’įor Mary J. Mickey Guyton: Super Bowl national anthem ‘huge moment for black people’ Super Bowl 2022 halftime show stage wasn’t big enough for this family affair

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Mary j blige my life 2